I do it in my SOX.

so. I never realy liked baseball. Then for our senior class trip, we went to an Orioles v. Red Sox game in Baltimore. I really enjoyed myself and realized, hey, I could really like baseball. I didn't think much of it and certainly didn't watch anymore games after that. But after my boyfriend and I got together, I noticed his LOVE for the Boston Red Sox. So when they made it to the ALCS thing [yeah, i really don't know baseball yet] we watched games together. I stayed awake until 2am, a 5 hour long game, just to watch them lose in the 11th inning. But from then on my dedication of watching every Red Sox game is unreal. I'm watching baseball alone in my dorm room, something I would't have even thought about doing a few months ago. It's enjoyable. I like it.

On a completely different note; I love going to the gym and listening to my mp3 player. Unlike most people out there, I don't own an iPod. I own a creative zen. It's cute and orange and about 3 years old and I'm satisfied with all 5000 or so songs I have shoved on it. Everytime I go to the gym and put my headphones in and turn on my music, I'm thrilled by what comes flowing into my ears. It's like going to a candy store and just randomly grabbing any and every candy you see. You never know know what you're going to get and if it's going to fit your mood, but you completely forgot that you had it. I love it. I heard so many insanely great songs today that I totally forgot that I had. It was wonderful.
Also, going to the gym is killing me. I'm so sore. My goal was to lose 10 lbs by Halloween, but when I go to the gym and feel like crying from the amount of pain I' in, it's not going to happen. I'm also completely re-adjusting my eating habits to eat a lot more healthy. So I drop fat, build lean muscle, and look fantastic. Let's hope. I want to be "slammin'" by Christmas break.

Okay. well. again. I'll write tomorrow. :]

Stability

I made it to college. For about a month and a half and I don't exactly like it that much. Don't get me wrong; I love the freedom. I love being able to leave whenever I want and come back whenever I want. I love that I can go out and party and not have to tell anyone where I'm going. And I really love that I can everywhere that I need to go and not waste gas.
But I don't exactly enjoy this school. I love my friends I've made; five of the most fantastic girls to ever walk into my life. But as for being happy here? It's not exactly happening. I go through days we're I'm extremely happy and don't want to be home, but most of the time I'm sad and down and rather be at home with my best friend and my boyfriend. So I'm highly considering transferring to my local college and getting all my gen. ed. credits done for the spring and then transferring to a bigger school in the fall. But I don't want to lose my friends here or the freedoms that I have at college.

Here's the other thing. I'm worried that I'm basing way too much of this off of me missing my BF too much. The sad thing is, we've only been dating for a little over a
month and we're completely attached. He's 21, almost 22, (a good 3.5 years older than me), and graduating in May. He pretty much knows what he wants out of life and where he wants to be in the next few years. And here I am; 18 and a freshman in college. I'm not supposed to have any idea what I want out of life, what I want to be, or who I even want to be with for the rest of my life. But I'd like to think I'm not like every other freshman in college. I'm certain that I want to own my own business. I'd like to be married within the next four years. I want kids within the next 10 years. And I'd like to be a wedding planner and plan all of my college girl's weddings.
Now, most people older than me are going to judge me. And tell me I have no idea what I want. That I can't possibly have my head on straight and know all these things for sure because I'm so young. But I beg to differ. Some people are more mature for their age than others. Some people just know what they want in life and go for it. I'd like to think I'm one of those people.
I know it's ridiculous. But I'm pretty set on being with this guy for the rest of my life. And he doesn't know that. He doesn't know I want to be his last girlfriend. But he's already talked about me moving in with him next year. We'd get our own place and start our lives together. It's so exciting. But I don't think he understands what that means to me. I'm not going to move in with someone who is JUST my boyfriend and that's all that we can ever be. I want it to be a full on committment. Ring on my finger sort of deal. That's the type of stability that I'm going to be needing in a year from now if he plans on living with me. I mean, I don't need the ring on my finger before we live together. But it's gotta be a definite that it's going to happen. And that we'll be married in a few years down the line. But i'm pretty positive that he has no clue that this is my feelings on the situation. And there's no way I'm going to be bringing it up anytime soon. We've got about 7 months before we need to start looking for a place to live. So I'll leave that conversation for when the time arises.

Anyway, I'll write more tomorrow. This is a good way to get everything out. I love it here.

Graduate!

So I'm an Annville Cleona High School Graduate.
I'm not going to lie, it's a pretty good feeling to know I don't have to deal with high school anymore-- or anyone in my class that I despise.
I have something like more intelligent I want to write but I'm just really lazy right now and wanting to sleep before I work tomorrow.
I'll get around to it, I promise.

eighteeeen.

I turn 18 in approximately 1 hour and 55 minutes.

well. technically I was born at 4:26am. So, I guess I'm not a legal adult until then. haha.

I'm excited. My friends and I are skipping a half day of school tomorrow. it's well worth it.

Prom.

This is way too late but uh, here's some prom pictures. The food sucked, but it was realllly fun!!
Maybe tomorrow I'll post pictures from the senior class trip to Baltimore.

Save the Last Dance

I really and honestly and truly cannot wait until the day I can walk out of my high school and know that I won't be forced to spend time with a certain set of people. I really cannot stand a group of people in my grade; they are overly annoying and immature. I'm especially sick of one girl in particular. I'm pretty sure I mentioned her in a previous entry; the girl that always enforces her opinion on everyone, always is complaining, and really is a complete and total bitch. Now I won't go to the extent of stating her name or even certain situations where she's been a bitch to me, but really, I can't help but hold back the urge to slap her square in the face REALLY hard. She's definitely one girl that I won't be missing at all when I'm out in Pittsburg.

In other news, tomorrow is prom and I'm kind of not that excited at all. I guess I should be because it's my last high school dance and I'm going with a huge group of friends, but honestly... I don't know I'm just not that enthused. A bunch of girls have gotten spray tans or have been tanning to look absolutely perfect (personally I think they just look incredibly skin with an orange tint to their skin and fake long nails.) I guess I'm a slight hipocrit though because I did get the spray tan and the fake nails done last year. But in none of my pictures- or even the day after-- did I look incredibly fake. It looked like I laid out in the sun for a week or two and my nails looked like I just got a manicure done-- not huge long acryllic nails. But whatever. I'm just not that excited. I get my hair done around 12. And then eat a salad for lunch. and then I just kind of chill until about 30 minutes before Ben leaves to get me. [ My date is one of my BEST FRIENDS. and we're meeting up with our huge group to get pictures at his house.] So I guess I'm excited for the whole aspect of hanging out with best friends all night, besides the fact that 3 of mybest friends won't be there. Instead they're having a "man bbq" and then will meet up with us after prom at Ben's house. So I don't know. I just kind of hope my excitement gets up by tomorrow.

Something that is super super lame-- I work Music In the Parks Saturday morning which means I have to be at the high school by 7:30am. I probably won't sleep at all after prom and I definitely won't get to shower before heading to MIP. So I guess I'll be showing up with messy hair and in sweatpants or shorts and my director will just have to deal with it.

okay well. I'll update with pictures probably after prom.

senioritis? you can have it.

In 18 days, I'll be 18 years old.
And 18 days plus one year ago, I was at my junior prom. Celebrating my 17th birthday with amazing friends and having the time of my life. Weird thing is-- that doesn't seem like a year ago. at allll. It's insane and almost unbelievable how quickly my senior year has flown by. It seems like it's always the first of the month. I'm always flying through the weeks. One day this is due and I'm supposed to have two weeks until the next thing is due and magically-- that due date is tomorrow. I don't know. I'm not complaining that it went so quick, and that it still is going so quick. But I kind of wanted to be able to soak it all in before it was over. I mean, I love my senior year. I have the best friends ever and we have the best times together and my classes aren't that bad. All together so far, it's been an amazing last year of high school. I just wish there was more time to soak it in. And have fun before being unleashed into the "real world." But I won't lie, I really hate going to school everyday. and the homework. and waking up at 6am to sing by 715am and it's a drag. It's definitely senioritis.

Oh well. I graduate in 24 days. I still don't really want to go to the commencement ceremony but hey- I got a really cute white dress out of the deal, so that's not too bad.