Stability

I made it to college. For about a month and a half and I don't exactly like it that much. Don't get me wrong; I love the freedom. I love being able to leave whenever I want and come back whenever I want. I love that I can go out and party and not have to tell anyone where I'm going. And I really love that I can everywhere that I need to go and not waste gas.
But I don't exactly enjoy this school. I love my friends I've made; five of the most fantastic girls to ever walk into my life. But as for being happy here? It's not exactly happening. I go through days we're I'm extremely happy and don't want to be home, but most of the time I'm sad and down and rather be at home with my best friend and my boyfriend. So I'm highly considering transferring to my local college and getting all my gen. ed. credits done for the spring and then transferring to a bigger school in the fall. But I don't want to lose my friends here or the freedoms that I have at college.

Here's the other thing. I'm worried that I'm basing way too much of this off of me missing my BF too much. The sad thing is, we've only been dating for a little over a
month and we're completely attached. He's 21, almost 22, (a good 3.5 years older than me), and graduating in May. He pretty much knows what he wants out of life and where he wants to be in the next few years. And here I am; 18 and a freshman in college. I'm not supposed to have any idea what I want out of life, what I want to be, or who I even want to be with for the rest of my life. But I'd like to think I'm not like every other freshman in college. I'm certain that I want to own my own business. I'd like to be married within the next four years. I want kids within the next 10 years. And I'd like to be a wedding planner and plan all of my college girl's weddings.
Now, most people older than me are going to judge me. And tell me I have no idea what I want. That I can't possibly have my head on straight and know all these things for sure because I'm so young. But I beg to differ. Some people are more mature for their age than others. Some people just know what they want in life and go for it. I'd like to think I'm one of those people.
I know it's ridiculous. But I'm pretty set on being with this guy for the rest of my life. And he doesn't know that. He doesn't know I want to be his last girlfriend. But he's already talked about me moving in with him next year. We'd get our own place and start our lives together. It's so exciting. But I don't think he understands what that means to me. I'm not going to move in with someone who is JUST my boyfriend and that's all that we can ever be. I want it to be a full on committment. Ring on my finger sort of deal. That's the type of stability that I'm going to be needing in a year from now if he plans on living with me. I mean, I don't need the ring on my finger before we live together. But it's gotta be a definite that it's going to happen. And that we'll be married in a few years down the line. But i'm pretty positive that he has no clue that this is my feelings on the situation. And there's no way I'm going to be bringing it up anytime soon. We've got about 7 months before we need to start looking for a place to live. So I'll leave that conversation for when the time arises.

Anyway, I'll write more tomorrow. This is a good way to get everything out. I love it here.